Trials of the Tripfags. what the fuck am i doing

Trials of the Tripfags
By: Wuten

First, you must speak with Aether himself. He will look upon your name and soul and decide whether or not you are worthy of taking on the Trials of the Tripfags.

Next, if you are decided to be worthy, the journey to The Internet will be taken on foot. You will take 10 steps, and then leap backwards, and repeat.

On this journey, you will see Kitty-Pony with his collection of dragon dildos. He will offer you a chimera. You must endure a 20-minute conversation with him. If you survive, you must then clop to your least-favorite pony while he watches.

Afterwards, you will venture far into the desert, where you will come across a giant castle made purely of spaghetti. You must dodge the meatball cannons and sauce pitfalls. If you manage to make it inside, the Second of seven trials will begin.

The Second trial will consist of going to /co/ and spamming ponies. The spaghetti castle will provide you with a laptop with adequate amounts of pony for you to use. If you are not banned, you may proceed to the third trial.

For the Third trial, you must write a clop story for Wuten and Pale to narrate. This will then be proceeded by writing an alternate spaghetti ending for Wuten’s eyes only.

The Fourth trial will consist of taking to bed the physical and emotional manifestations of the Mane 6 in human form. You must call them by their pony names at climax, and they must all be consensual.

The Fifth trial will take you to the lands of Equestria in South Africa. You must ask for a meeting with the royalty, you must ask for their permission, and in turn, do any trials that they themselves have set out for you. If you do these, you may proceed with the Sixth trial.

For the Sixth trial, you must be accepted into an audience with the eldest of the writefags. You will know them when you see them.

And for the Seventh and final trial, you must narrate one chapter of “Spike’s Sexual Misadventures” to the audience, with all said writefags present in the group. You must finish narrating the chapter without any of the eldest raging and/or leaving the audience.

After the narration, all of the elders will place either a black sphere or a white cube into a large, marble bowl, which will represent their decision. You must discern which item represents which decision. If there are equal numbers of white and black objects… run.

 If you succeed in this endeavor, then you have completed the Pre-Trials. You are now ready for the Trials of the Tripfags.