Diplomacy 1

>"Come on boy. Pick those feet up."
>It was a sunny day in the capital
>The winter snows had finally been driven back another year
>Everywhere you looked you could see the beginnings of spring
>Flowers were springing from the ground, men and beast alike were rising from their slumber
>It was one of the most beautiful times of the year
>...Though you wouldn't have been able to tell in the hallway you were walking down
>There were no windows, barely any light
>The walls weren’t made but hewn, and incredibly constricting
>And then there was the cold
>Frost lined the every inch of the hall
>The air was biting and harsh, so much so that it cut down to the bone
>Winter had not left this place, and you didn’t think it left even during the middle of summer
>It almost reminded you of the tales that your wet nurse had told you when you were younger
>Of tunnels that led to Hell...
>Of dark shadows that whispered only evil…
>Glowing blue orbs in the darkness that signaled death to hero and villain alike….
>If you were alone you would have done what most people did in the palace
>Stayed away from these secret tunnels
>Used the main hallways to go where you needed to go
>There were windows there
>And warmth, and light
>But you weren't alone
>"Why in the name of the gods does that cock always make me go through these tiny tunnels? At the very least he could have them widened so I don't have to crouch down like some old hag..."
>Your companion strode through the tunnels purposefully
>He was a very large man; large even compared to his fellow northerners
>His head nearly touched the ceiling, and if he was just a few more inches wider he would have been scraping against the walls
>Even in this dim light you could see the gray in his hair, suggesting that he was getting along in years, though the way that he carried himself suggested that he had the vitality of men a quarter of his age
>The cold didn’t seem to bother him

>In fact, the chill in the air seemed to put him at ease
>This man--whose heavy steps seemed to make the hall shake as you walked behind him-- wasn’t just some normal, run of the mill fellow
>He was a legend
>Long before you were born, he rode with the king to save your people from a great minotaur horde
>Before that, he was considered one of the most notorious bandits that the kingdom had ever known
>He had fed starving peasants and slit the throats of half a dozen great nobles
>Twice he had been jailed and twice he had escaped
>And now he was an anointed knight and one of the king’s closest friends
>He was Knight-Commander Aegis
>The Cutthroat Lord, the Peasant Who was Risen, the Giant, the Cow Smasher, among other, far less savory titles
>You didn't know him by any of those names
>You knew him as the man that liked far too much honey in his morning porridge
>He was also the man that could leave a bruise on a mailed man with nothing but his pointer and middle finger
>You were Anonymous, trainee of the Order of Red Heart, and the lord-commander's page
>One of the youngest that he had ever had in fact, since you had turned nine just a month earlier
>Not that you were bragging or anything...
>"Tell me, boy, did you bring those papers like I asked?"
"Yes, my lord. I have them in my satchel."
>"And what around the quills and ink?"
"They're in there too, my lord. I made sure to get twice as much as you asked, just in case I need it."
>The lord-commander nodded, reaching over and touching one of the walls with a scarred hand
>"Good, good. And did you bring that small, wooden contraption with the needle? The… what was it called…?"
"The compass, my lord?"
>"Yes, yes, the compass."
>You had no idea why your lord had made you bring a compass
>Every once in awhile he’d do that
>Make you bring bring odd things, or have you wear a silly hat or an ugly pair of pants

>You had no idea why he made you do any of it, but you’d be darned if you didn’t follow all of his instructions to the letter
"I did, sire."
>Lord Aegis grunted
>"Good. Now, where is... There we are..."
>Your lord stopped, placing his hand on a section of stone that looked no different from any around it
>Bracing himself, he pushed against it
>At first the stone was unyielding but, as your lord applied more pressure, the stone began to give way
>There was a sharp hissing sound, then a crack that echoed up and down the hall
>The hidden door revealed itself in a flash of runes, and with another hard push it opened
>Light flooded the tunnel, forcing you to turn away
>"Come on boy. The king is waiting," your commander said, stepping through the door without hesitation
>You followed, not wanting him to close the door behind you and leave you in that dark, cramped tunnel
>He wouldn’t do that, probably, but you didn’t want to take that risk
>Last time you were in the palace a servant boy told you a story about a knight being eaten by giant, hairy rats when he tried exploring the secret tunnels
>And no dumb rat was gonna eat you!
>For several seconds, the light was blinding, but with each blink you started to see things
>A fine table stacked high with papers
>A lit, crackling fireplace
>Walls covered in books and tomes
>The room, though a bit chilly, was comfy, bright, and cheery
>And, after the half an hour you had spent trekking through the tunnels, it might as well have been the gates to paradise
>Trying to rub some of the warmth back into your body, you continued to look around the room
>The fireplace caught your eye, and you were about to walk over to it, when someone cleared their throat
>You whipped around to see who it was, immediately stiffening when you saw who else was in the room
>It was King Drfual, First of his Name, King of Humeyithal and its surrounded lands

>Your lord and king; the mightest that there had been in almost two hundred years, some said
>But this wasn't the mighty, proud lord that you had seen riding atop of his manticore with his golden armor and his crown whenever he came to your lord’s keep
>This man looked shrunken, tired, old
>His tunic was crinkled and ink-stained, as were his face, his hands, and his arms
>His usually well-kept beard was a mess, and his hair looked like it was in a dire need of a cut
>He was bent over a document, staring down at it with half-lidded, bloodshot eyes scanning over the letters
>"You look like shite," lord Aegis said, standing to his full height as he strode over to the king
>"Good morning to you, Aegis," the king said, not looking up from his paper. "I trust that your trip here was without incident?"
>The lord-commander sat on the beautiful, finely crafted chair right in front of the table
>It groaned under the weight of the man and his armor, but it held
>Thankfully...
>"Boy, bring that satchel over here. Then warm up some wine for the king and me."
>"The king and I," King Drfual corrected, finally lifting his gaze from his document to look at you. "And it's very nice to see you again, Anonymous. I hope that the lord-commander is treating you well?"
>You bowed
"He is my--"
>"Boy, stop bowing to this cunt," lord Aegis said. "We don't want him having an even bigger head than he already has. Now bring that satchel over here."
>The king let out a quiet, yet tired, chuckle as you scrambled toward your lord
>He took the satchel with a grunt of thanks before waving you over toward the fireplace, where a small pot and a jar of wine was waiting
>"Two glasses. Big ones. The king looks like he’s about to shrivel up from the cold."
>The king carefully sat his quill down
>"Make sure to get yourself a glass, Anon."
>A scowl came to your lord's face

>"You know that I don’t allow my page's wine, Drfual."
>"That's an order from your king, Anon," the king said, leaning back into his chair with a groan. "You pour yourself a glass of wine and warm yourself up; your lord-commander be damned."
>You did your very best to hide the smile on your face as lord Aegis scowled
"Yes, your highness," you said getting to work
>The jar of wine was uncorked
>You grabbed three fine glasses that sat on a shelf, along with a few other necessary ingredients
>You needed to make sure that the wine didn't get too warm
>Your lord liked raisins in his, while the king preferred sugar
>Your small hands worked quickly and efficiently
>Still though, you listened intently to what the king and lord had to say
>"So how has it been going, my old friend?" king Drfual asked, rubbing a temple with his hand
>Lord Aegis let out a grumble, leaning back into his chair, much to the chair’s distress
>"We managed to burn the last of those bandits near the king's road out of their hideout last autumn, so I've been bored," he said with a frown. "There's nothing to do other than scream at my men and wait for another war."
>"You should never wish for conflict in the kingdom, Aegis," the king said, running a hand through his messy hair. "A peaceful kingdom is a happy and prosperous one."
>"For you. You're the one that likes to sit around and make his laws," your lord said. "I, on the other hand, am a man of action. I need to go out and do something, otherwise these old bones start to ache."
>"You could always try hunting," the king said. "Dancing or falconry might keep your mind off of your psychopathic desires."
>"You know, the other day I spent twelve hours chopping firewood because I had nothing better to do," lord Aegis grumbled, ignoring the king's suggestion. "And after that I spent the rest of the day bothering the masons about something or another."

>"That's the peasant in you," king Drfual said, giving you a nod of thanks as you handed him a cup of wine. "You don't know how to relax and enjoy the finer things in life like the rest of the nobility."
>"I'm too old to be getting fat and lazy now," your lord said, gulping half his wine the moment you put the glass in his hand. "There's work to be done."
>"Didn't you just say there was nothing for you to do?" he asked
>"There WASN'T anything to do, but since that you called me here, there has to be something now," your lord said, setting his cup onto the table
>He then leaned forward, staring at the king intently
>"So what is it then? Are the gryphons massing at our borders again? Is there a nest of hydras somewhere in the Ironwoods? Have the minotaurs started sending over raiding parties to steal peasant men?"
>Setting his cup down, the king reached onto one of the piles of papers on his desk
>Grabbing a handful of them, he leafed through the documents until he found what he was looking for
>Licking the wine from his lips, he set a piece of vellum down in front of lord Aegis
>It was a fine document by the looks of things
>The letters were finely drawn with liquid gold, and there was a border that looked like it had been inlaid with enough silver to ransom a knight
>Lord Aegis took one look at the paper, picked it up, and immediately handed it to you
>The king frowned
>"Aegis, you've been a lord-commander for over twenty years..." he said, clearly irritated
>"I could be one for a hundred but I'm not going to learn your highborn letters," your lord replied dismissively, looking at the paper in your hands as it he were expecting it to take a bite out of him
>"You do know that you're the only one of my lords that can't read, correct?" the king said, shaking his head

>"My father and his father before him never needed to learn and neither will I," your lord replied, taking another gulp of wine. "Now read it boy. Nice and loud so these two old men can hear."
"Yes my lord," you said, clearing your clearing your throat
>Your eyes danced across the page, quickly reading everything so that you didn't mess up halfway
>...
>Huh
>...
>Your lord isn't going to like this...
"Greetings, King Drfual, First of his Name, King of Humeyithal and its surrounded lands, I pray that this letter comes to you in good hea--"
>"Skip the ass-kissing, boy. I'm not getting any younger."
>You nodded your head
>Now…
>Where should you restart…?
>...
>Wow…
>There’s a LOT of titles here…
>Ah, there we go!
"For over five hundred years the kingdom of Humeyithal has made it its business to stay closed off from the rest of the world. Through this is... isol...."
>"Isolation, my dear boy," the king said
"Isolation it has become a nation known for its strength and the hardiness of its folk. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and your people, but I believe that it is time for this isolation to end."
>Your lord's eyes widened slightly before a look of utter revulsion came to his face
>A blind man would have been able to tell that he realized who had sent the letter
>He realized, and he wasn't at all happy with it
>"Did that damned Equestrian princess send you another letter?" he demanded, hopping to his feet
>"She did," the king said with a nod, taking another small sip of his wine. "Anon, please continue. I want your lord-commander to hear a bit more before he starts throwing my chairs around. And Aegis, sit down. Getting worked up isn’t good for men our age.”
>Your lord's eyes narrowed, but even still he sat back down
>"...Go ahead, boy. Let's hear what those blasted ponies have to say."

>Your nose scrunched up as you tried to find the place where you had just left off
>You nodded again, continuing
"If the kingdoms of Equestria and Humeyithal were to come together and embrace as friends I’m positive that it would begin a golden age for both of our peoples. There is much that needs to be discussed if such a thing were to happen, however, so my sister and I humbly beg an audience with you and your ill... illus... illust--"
>"Illustrious."
"Illustrious wife, Queen Guinevere. We would enjoy nothing more than to have you and your court in Canterlot, so that you may see how we live in harmony with each other. Humbly yours, Princess Celestia, First of Her Name, Ruler of the Sun, Princess of Equestria."
>Huh…
>A lot less titles than the king...
>Your lord snorted angrily, scratching at the long, ugly scar on his cheek
>"They humbly beg an audience, then immediately ask you to come to their shithole of a capital instead of coming here themselves," he said, crossing the arms. "The pompous cunts."
>"Thank you very much, Anon," the king said with a small smile, reaching over the table to grab the letter from your hands. "Now sit down and have a drink of wine. You look parched."
"Thank you my lord," you said, quickly sitting down next to lord Aegis
>A low groan escaped you as your backside touched the fine leather chair
>Yeah…
>That’s just what your tired feet needed...
>Grabbing the small cup of wine that you had poured yourself, you took a sip
>It was a southern wine; smooth and sweet and it went down so easy that it brought a small smile to your face
>Since you had begin serving under lord Aegis, the drinking of wine was the greatest of rarities, so those few times that you were allowed it you enjoyed it
>With just one sip you could feel your body warming up, prompting you to take another
>"So what do you think, my friend?" the king asked
>Lord Aegis snorted

>"They just want your court to come to Canterlot so that they can pump your barons and counts for information," he said irritably, finishing his wine and slamming the glass on the table.
>The king raised an eyebrow
>"Is that what you think they want to do?" he asked
>Your lord threw a hand up
>"That or they want to snatch up some of the nobles so that they can be used for breeding stock or bed warmers. Or maybe they want to cast some spell on you all. Or a hundred other things."
>"They could just want to discuss trade," the king suggested, intertwining his fingers
>"If they wanted to do something like that they would have sent a diplomat, or at the very least sent that prince of theirs to deal with us. They wouldn’t want you to come there yourself."
>A small, thoughtful frown came to the king's face
>Humming, he reached into his stack of papers and pulled out another document
> "A month or so ago my spies brought me an interesting piece of information," he said, his eyes scanning the page. "They said that something very interesting happened in Equestria. Somehow, someway, the ponies managed to make themselves a new alicorn."
>For several seconds, the king let the news hang in the air, and in those several seconds you saw a range of emotions come to lord Aegis's face
>Confusion, realization, shock, anger
>Never good expressions for a northerner to wear
>Covering a face with a hand, he leaned forward in his chair
>"And did your spies say how they managed to do such a thing?" he asked, his voice deadly calm
>"They did," the king replied, nodding. "They said that she was assaulted with so much raw magical energy that she ascended into demi-god."
A popping sound filled the air as your lord rolled his jaw
>"So there's four alicorns running around now?"
>"Yes."
>"Equestria has four very, very, VERY powerful spellcasters?"
>"Yes."
>Your lord grabbed the king's wine and drained it with two gulps
>Setting the glass down, his nose scrunched up in thought

>"Do you think they're trying to build an army of them?"
>The king shrugged
>"My spies haven't given me reason to believe that they're trying such a thing. Equestria as a whole seems just as surprised as you are about their new princess."
>Your lord grimaced, reaching over and snatching your glass out of your hands
>"One alicorn was fine, two was irritating, three would be a pain in the ass to fight but we could do it if we needed to, but four?"
>"No matter what people say, alicorns aren't gods, Aegis. They've been beaten before."
>"Two of them move the sun and the moon."
>"Celestia and Luna aren't the kind of mares that go flaunting their power."
>"Because they didn't need to. They raise the sun AND the moon," your lord said, finishing your glass and slapping it onto the table. "And now there's four of them. Four! And now they’ve set their sights on us!"
>"They have," the king agreed. "And no matter what I do or how much gold I throw around no one will tell me exactly WHY."
>"They want to sweep in and steal men, just like every other gods’ forsaken country around us, but unlike the others they're trying to hide their daggers behind a bouquet."
>"I'm not to sure about that," the king said with a shake of his head. "This time it seems different. This letter didn't have any of the usual veiled threats or empty promises that they usually do."
>Lord Aegis stared hard into the king's eyes
"...You wish to see what they want?" he asked slowly
>The king nodded
>"Yes, I do."
>Your lord rose from his chair, looking none too happy
>"You're not going to that bloated corpse of a city!" he said angrily
>"I don't recall you being a high enough rank to tell me what to do," the king cheekily replied
>"I don't give a damn. You're not going into that city. I didn’t save you from those damn cows all those years ago to watch you die before me!"
>"It might not be as bad as they say."

>"Of COURSE it's as bad as they say! Why in the ten hells do you think that no one else wants to go there unless they have to?!"
> “That’s the same thing you said about lady Helga, and after some back and forth the minotaurs and our people’s relationship is better than its been in centuries.”
>Lord Aegis tensed at the name of the minotaur empress
> “We’re only like that because I caved her cunt of a mother’s head in at the Battle of Hummdrial.”
>A small, knowing smile came to the king’s face
> “I’d like to think that my diplomacy had more of a hand in it than you killing the late empress. Do you know that Helga still sends me letters asking if you’d--”
>Your lord slammed his fists against the table
> “Don’t try to change the subject,” he growled. ”You are NOT going to that city.”
>The king stared up at him calmly, shuffling a handful of papers
>"I won't go alone."
>"Unless you plan to bring two hundred men with you you'll lose most of your whole party to those noblemares in a day."
>"The princesses would make sure to keep my wife and I protected."
>”It's not the princesses that you have to worry about in that damned capital," lord Aegis said, baring his teeth. "The nobles rule there. You've heard the stories just like I have."
>"Yes, I've heard the STORIES."
>Your lord, growling like an angry manticore, leaned forward
>"You don't get those kind of stories unless there's some shred of truth to them."
>The king leaned forward as well
>"So you don't want me to go to Canterlot?" he asked, tapping a finger against the table
>"No; you're not going to Canterlot, even if I have to lock both you and your wife in my thrice-damned keep."
>"But don't you think we should send someone there to see what they want?"
>Lord Aegis hesitated
>"I think we should deal with them like we’ve always had. Tell ‘em to piss off and burn their letters."
>He looked away from the king

>Taking a step from the table he paused, his hands opening and closing as he thought
>"But most countries don't have four alicorns," he admitted sourly. "So we might actually have to send someone..."
>The king smiled
>"Exactly!" he said, slapping your lord's shoulder. "But who should I send?"
>Your lord opened his mouth to answer, but before he could his eyes widened
>Mouth snapping shut, he stared at the king with narrowed eyes
>"...You want to send me?"
>The king stood up
>Though he was nowhere near as large as your lord, for a second he seemed to dwarf him
>"This is going to be a very delicate matter. I can't go because, like you said, there's a good chance that I'll end up bewitched by some ambitious noblemare. I also can't send any of my lords because their pockets will most likely be lined with Equestrian gold on the return trip."
>He placed a hand on your lord's shoulder
>"Aegis, I know that you're not the diplomatic type, but I can't think of any other man that I'd rather send on a mission like this."
>Your lord looked at the hand on his shoulder, then back at the king, utterly baffled
>"Me? You want me to go?"
>"You said it yourself that you have nothing to do, and I doubt that any of their nobles would bother a man of your stature."
>"...But me?"
>Chuckling, the king gave your lord's shoulder a squeeze
>"Yes you. Will you accept or will I have to go myself?"
>The lord-commander took a step back, looking the king up and down
>He looked like he wanted to ask him something, but at the last moment stopped himself, simply shaking his head
>"What would you have me do, Drfual?" he asked, sitting back down
>The king sat down as well, a quiet grunt escaping him as he did so

>"Go to Canterlot. Get a feel for the princesses, take measure of this magically made alicorn. Listen to what they have to say and come back to me with their offer and whatever else they tell you."
>"And how would you like me to act while I'm there?"
>"That is for you to decide," the king replied simply. "You'll have two months to ready yourself. Make sure you have a few sensible men with you. Ones that you trust."
>He turned to you
>"Anon, since you have more sense than your lord I will give you a few books so that you may read up on Equestria. If you have trouble with any words go to your order's librarian. I'm sure that they will be more than willing to help you."
>You perked up
"Yes lord."
>The king smiled
>"Good boy."
>Your lord rose from his chair
>You rose as well
>"I'll make sure to have everything ready by then, Drfual," your lord said, inclining his head.
>The king nodded, picking up his quill back up
>"Very good. I'm trusting you, Aegis. This is not for my sake but the sake of our people."
>Your lord stood a little straighter
>"I won't fail you," he promised
>The king dipped his quill into an ink pot and slid over a clean piece of parchment
>"Very good. I'll pray that your trip to Canterlot is a safe and uneventful one. Go in peace, and may the gods smile on you."