Anon the Dickwraith

Anon joins the dick wraiths.

>Fucking finally. 99 Cracked red eye orbs farmed. Fromsoft realy had it out for dickwraiths in this game. It’s like they think jumping into someones world, killing them, and sending them back to the bonfire is antifun or something. Oh, well the grind is over now. Time to have the best sadistic fun money can buy.
>Final check to make sure you’re ready to fuck some bitch up.
>Spooky skeleton gear, minus helmet so I can stare into their dying eyes. Check
>+10 raw malformed skull. Check.
>A angst that rivals Hitler’s. Motha fukin check m8.
>You pull the first red eye out of your bag. You hold it above your head and crush it, the dust of the orb falling onto your badass looking gear. As you close your eyes in a Fredy Mercury like pose.

>Invasion number 1
>Open your eyes, holy shit the pastel it burns. You’ve been teleported into a small wooden building. The door is open and outside you see pastel houses and brightly colored ponies. You mutter a conclusive “Holy shit.” This is the worst hacker you have ever seen. You can’t even tell the npcs from the target. You wait for a few minutes trying to decide what to do. You’re not a pussy who’s gonna black crystal out and like anything else in Darksouls, you have to learn by trial and error.
>You two hand your weapon and walk into the light. Immediately ponies start screaming and running away. God damn, they’re so fucking colorful. This is one weird hell. You can’t tell if he used a seed of a giant in an area with some fleeing mobs, or if he has even fucked with the AI. You guess that it’s best to kill w/e you see.
>Start walking around, this place  is getting hard to look at. You walk awhile, only catching glimpses of ponies fleeing and hiding. You’ve gone through that before with other hosts. If they are running it’s best to walk slowly, and look super badass. Until they end up cornering themselves.
>You eventually come to a giant tree house,that is to say, a house inside a tree thing. It’s where a bunch of ponies are banging at the door calling for someone to come save them from the scary red thing. You give an evil grin. .
“Foolish ponies, you lead me right to the host. Now, Come here and face me you fagget!” You shout.
>the ponies flee from the doorway as a purple pony steps out and lowers it’s head at you.
“Ha, do you plan to charge me, hacker? Lances are easy as fuck to parry.”
>Her horn glows and a giant bolt of magic flies from it. At lighting fast speeds, you have no time to roll dodge. It hits you full on.
>You Died.

>Wake up by your bonfire.
“Fucking magic spamming hacking fagget!”